Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Rabble Roost

Howdy is such a bad way to start almost anything where you need to sound remotely intelligent, so lets go with Hello.


The rabble Roost, my wonderful once a week radio show is going to be put on hiatus for a few months or maybe longer. I am coaching lacrosse again this year and just dont have time for my regular work job, lax, and the radio show time slot. I could easily pick up another timeslot but it would all but eliminate my East Coast listeners because of the time zone difference. So just bear with me as I figure out how to go to the next step.

My plan is to do a one to two hour, once or twice a week, podcast that I would put on this blog. I dont know all the FCC regulations and if they really care if some mope got himself a blogspot name and 15 of his friends lsiten to him ramble twice a week. But who knows, it always seems the government cares more about what they shouldnt then what they should.

Until then, I will be doing some mixtapes and whatnots that I will put up, so check on back regularly and maybe I can keep turning you on to some new tunes.

Rabble Roosters unite!

Friday, January 22, 2010

A few thoughts on "Lost"

OK so I hate to admit it but I have watched every episode of the first four seasons of lost. I know what you are thinking already. "So what Noah? Millions of people are in the same oat." Well I am a guy who hasn't regularly watched TV for years and years, or even owned one in many moon cycles for that matter. So for me to watch roughly 98 episodes at 43 minutes a piece really bums me out, having devoted over 70 hours of my existence to Matthew Fox and friends.

The thing that really gets me is how the whole time these gumps are trying to escape this island I am trying to escape the grips of Lost myself. I find the title Lost to be quite a perfect title, because the viewer is indeed Lost as well as the incredibly well fed deserted islanders. I mean after almost every completely obvious :twist" they throw in I say to myself, usually out loud, screw this show I am done. Then the episode ends and I click next on my netflix browser and watch the next episode. I thought the whole time too that there were only four seasons, now I found out there is a fifth and a sixth season and I am completely torn. Do I give another couple days of my life to ABC which i will never get back or do I give up and never find out if the happy go lucky islanders will ever get rescued.

If it was on Showtime, or HBO, or any of those networks it would be sooo much better because all the people are attractive and at least they could cuss and show some flesh every once in a while.

Until they make the switch to another network i may just put it on hiatus, or I might just crack another beer and see if they start eating each other. We can only hope...

Wasting away in Pabstville

Thank you musicians, good and bad, for it is you that make everyday a little more interesting. Sitting in the office = lame. Sitting in the office blaring Monotonix so loud that no co-worker wants to come anywhere near your desk for fear of half naked Israeli's = awesome.

It is a soundtrack for everyday occurrences, a personal John Williams but with more energy. Feeling gloomy? Crank up some energetic world beats. Feeling super stoked? Throw on that Wu-tang and proceed to fist pump until you pull a bicep.

Seriously though, how can you trust anyone who just sits around all day and night with no muzak. What is the deal with that, maybe if the Unibomber had a little more Dusty Springfield in his life then he would have become a gym teacher instead of a "terrorist" ever consider that? Oh well, at least it keeps all the shows from selling out too fast for little ol me to score tickets, well in theory anyway. I have a real hard time buying tickets on time to see the shows I want to go to. I will get super excited and plan around going to a show for weeks without ever buying tickets only to have it show up and me drowning my tears in a Pabst.

In other related areas, people seem to be reaching too far for creative and/or original band names these days. Do you really want you band to succeed? Well then you probably shouldn't name it "Condo Fucks" or "Star Fucking Hipsters" or "Fuck buttons." Just avoid curses in your band name if you want to have even a remote possibility of mainstream success. Or if that is not your thing maybe just go a more obvious route and call your band "Fucked before we started" or "Shot my career in the foot" or "Doomed from the beginning."

Of course if you really want to make your band fail you could always put out the traditional horrible band picture.

Where are these guys? Right outside the high school gym with a borrowed computer chair, jeebus at least put on some non under shirts. These guys are shooting for the stars for sure.

Oh well, I am off to go out back by the dumpster and shoot promo shots for my new band "Fuck patrol" I think we have a big appeal to a lot of markets.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Facebook woes

Why do you have 800 friends and you are constantly asking "what is going on tonight?" If you have that many friends shouldnt you be the one everyone asks what is going on tonight? I mean seriously what the hell is the point in having that many virtual friends, are you still stuck in the myspace days of befriending everyone that crosses your path on a daily basis.

Its almost like:

Friend request: "I think I saw you walking by my house the other day"
Friend request: "We were born in the same hospital in 1974"

C'mon people, lets get real and live in the actual world. Holy crap.

Another thing I will hereby always be referring to Twitter as Twatter, Twitter is an absolute joke and should be disbanded. I dont care how angered you are by traffic, guess what, I am in traffic too. Oh you left your grandmoms and you are driving back to your house, great thanks for the update. If it is relevant post it, sure I have no problem with that. Some celebtrity went tits up and you want to get bragging rights as being the first to twat about it, go ahead. Dont litter the interweb with mindless babble about how bad the person sleeping on the street smells.

In hindsight, I guess it is the same as this blog. Except I have infinite space where you only get 140 characters. Noah:1 Twatter:0.

A dollar late and a day short

Okie dokie, so it is 2010...

Got it? Good now lets move on.

I have a new idea for this blog as long as I can keep it up. I will post random musings from my head everyday, some will pertain to bicycling and its culture and some (err most) will not.

First off, Hipsters can throw a friggin house party:

Seriously, its like everyone who wished house parties could live forever and not just during our college/high school/special events days all moved to Portland just to house party. It is always the number one option to me when trying to decide what to do in my nocturnal free time. Its like asking Popeye what he wants as a side dish, the answer will always be the same. New years eve however gets to debut a whole new level of house partiness. Its the night where everyone wants to party. I mean everyone, and this generally leads to a generally good time had by all and for all. Now why do hipsters throw the best house parties?

- Their parents are usually loaded meaning they live in a bomb ass house.

- They dont work so the house has to be set up to be in 24/7

- Hipsters love to surround themselves with hipsters, so add in a lot of them and tons of people show up

- They drink cheap beer and lots of whiskey, two of my key ingredients for a successful party.

- Every hipster is a DJ or artist, so there is always loud music and live art.

- No matter how ridiculous you look or drunk you get there is always someone worse off.

- You dont have to worry about them hitting on your girlfriend (unless your girlfriend is a hipster, loves hipsters, or dresses like a pre-teen boy)

So add all this together and you get one fine event. No one looks at you funny for doing something odd, or how badly you dance, or how horribly you smell, because well I think I already stated this one.

So my one public New Years resolution is to give all the hipsters a break. I get called a hipster quite often and I was ashamed by it, but now in 2010 I will embrace the moniker. If anything it means I can throw one hell of a house party.

Lets kick off 2010 right people. Now get out there and cause some mayhem.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

To err is human...

Sorry for the really long delay in posts, I really want to keep this thing up and running all the time, but like a squirrel in a jewelry store I keep getting distracted (squirrels like shiny things right?) Anyways it is now December and the end of the decade is nearing which still blows my mind. You know how you do those "where will you be in ten years?" Well I have been thinking about that a lot recently and I can 100% without a doubt guarantee you that Portland was not even on my radar when I was 15, hell I wanted to change to a technical school and do construction when i was 15. Now I am working for a recycling company, heading the IT department, living car free, and located 3000 miles away from where I imagined I would be. A little over a year ago I didn't even know if I could even survive out here being how I was broke, jobless, friendless, and living with strangers. Well like most of lifes great mysteries not only am I surviving but I feel as though I am thriving. Adaptation is the key to life, ask any Dodo bird you know. Portland has changed me in a million ways and only a few are disheartening to me. Mainly the only things that bother me about my change out here is that I dont think about people back in Baltimore as much as I should and I dont talk to people back home ever. Seriously I have about 4 people I consistently talk to back home and it will be a weird homecoming with the people I have not spoken to in over a year, but that what beer is for right?

Not much has changed on the landscape of Portland since my last post, which is both good and bad. My commute gets more and more taxing as the days get shorter, which is probably true for most of America. Take today for example, I am cruising to work and some mope in a minivan not paying attention just starts drifting in my direction causing me to be forced into a sewer grate (of course one of the ones facing the wrong direction to be safe.) This causes my front wheel to get stuck, throwing me over the handlebars and bending my fork. So then my wheel wouldnt spin and I had to walk my hapless bike the rest of the way to work. But that wasnt even the worst part. The driver in the van didnt even stop or even slow down to see if I was ok, he just drove away like nothing happened. Also some goof was delivering some mass produced, over processed food products to the local convenience store and saw it happen. What did this man do? He stopped his hand truck and laughed like he was at a Bill Cosby show, what a dick. I did manage to bend the fork back while at work but since this is the second time I have bent it I am unsure of the structural stability anymore and it will need to be replaced.


Anywho I do return to Baltimore in a few short weeks and it will be good to see the fam, the dogs,a nd the old crew again. I just need to find someone with a bike so I dont get the shakes while I am back east. I find that when I go places and can bike it makes my time there much more enjoyable and bearable, the bicycle has become my stress reliever. A few weeks ago at work I was having a horrible day, so I just left got on my bike for an hour and came back a new man, it was very nice to be able to do that.

OK, so I will attempt to start doing more updates and I hope everyone out there is still around for that. Tis the season.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Thirsty Thursday

Sorry about the delay in posts, whenever my lady friend comes back in town it seems to occupy most of my free time. So there is a lot of news in the land of Ports, not to mention the weather has been exquisite for riding recently. It seems the bicycle advocacy groups have been itching for change and are hungrier than Crocodile Dundee at a vegan cookout. Well it looks like the landscape if finally starting to shift around, moving the masses from cars to bikes. A new "cycletrack" has opened in SW Portland, a cycle track is where they bump the lanes over and bikes get the entire right hand lane with the next rightmost lane being utilized for parking. Genius idea, because now there is not only a buffer to protect bikes form cars but also a line of parked cars for added security. Of course when i went to try it out the other day a UPS truck was in between the parking and the curb blocking the whole cycle track, ugh. Change in this city is inevitable, the culture demands and feeds off of it. Hell most of the people desired change that's why we all left our respective home states and moved to this great place.

This was SW clay before the cycle track was installed, notice how parking is against the curb. And I cant figure out how to show the new images, double dang. Head over to BikePortland.org to see the photos.

Another new addition is this little diddy which I am still on the fence about my feelings in regards to the "zebra strips."

A couple problems arise from these guys. First, what happens when you need to pass someone in the bike lane, for instance I was riding downtown the other day and got stuck behind the soup cycle. The soup cycle is an amazing independent pedal powered Portland business, the guy who owns it makes soup in his kitchen and you subscribe to the service where he then delivers a couple quarts of delicious soup to your home or work weekly, so good. But if you need to pass someone you have to dodge the zebra strips and cut into traffic and back in to the lane. Sketchy. Also, getting in to the lane is tricky in traffic, I came from the opposite side of the road from the coffee shop and weaved through traffic and these diddies to get into the bike lane. But still it is a great step forward into "Copenhaganizing" Portland. Of course it seems that all cities are pretty similar in their ineptness at consistency. Portland has been doing all these amazing things for bikes and trying to make downtown car-free, but then they eliminate buses in fareless square. before you could ride any public transportation downtown and it was free, not you can take the MAX, streetcar, and the trolley for free but have to pay for the bus? What gives Sammy Adams, why you gotta do us like this?

In other news, I finally received my trailer from CycleTote and boy is this thing a doozy. I could literally put my roommate the Great Dane, 6 bags of groceries, and a cooler in it without any space issues. All though we did put Mick (the dog) in it last night and his legs were shaking worse than Keith Richards at a dry wedding reception. So that is a no go, besides I picture him taking off at a stop light and pulling me, my bike, and my trailer with him if he got the chance. But I am pleased with the trailer it will make grocery runs a lot easier and not to mention I am rigging an awesome stereo up to it powered by a car battery, it is going to be so great.

In more disturbing but humorous news. I have been referred to as a hipster by roughly five people last week who had no idea who I was, I guess its time to re-evaluate my clothing choices. Or I could just run with it and starting dressing like this guy.

Well maybe not...